I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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