Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
