Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
