Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
