I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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