I feel great
I just peed on a car
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
