i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
