i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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