I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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