So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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