that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
