Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
