Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
