No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
