I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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