My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can I color on your dick again?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize