it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
