I puked a lego.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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