I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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