I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
