FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
