If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
