And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my liver is dry heaving
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
