Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
