My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
