It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize