Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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