I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
