my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
