Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
