I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize