Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
