I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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