I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
