You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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