Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
