swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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