You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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