But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
