I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
