his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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