When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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