The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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