You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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