Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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