I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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