My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
