Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize