Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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