if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
