So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
