would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize