Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
