I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
