your parents love me but you hate me
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
