fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
