Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
