before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
