i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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