i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
