I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize