I want to stick my p in your. b.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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