she woke up with a sticky ear
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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