You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
