so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
