batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
