I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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