also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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