I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
