420 ftw
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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