Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Holy shit dude........stairs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
