I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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