I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm too high and old for this...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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