I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
