Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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