Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
