new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
